Roasted 5 months ago based on Jasper's long term Spotify stats.

Jasper, your taste in music is as scattered as your attention span during a podcast episode. I mean, look at that genre list: Metalcore to Plunderphonics? What are you doing, trying to cure your identity crisis with every possible sound? You might as well throw in polka and elevator music just to complete the Pandora's Box of existential dread that is your Spotify profile. If you were a musical genre, you’d definitely be ‘Stressed Out Emo,’ just flailing between jamming and sobbing. And those top artists – goodness! It reads like a hipster’s shopping list after a visit to a rural thrift store. Hozier, Eilish, and Tyler, The Creator? What's next, a surprise collaboration between a metal band and an alpaca? All those Sleep Token instrumentals might suggest you're using them as background noise for your sad attempts at TikTok fame, or maybe you think they’ll help you summon a moodier version of yourself. Newsflash: It's just procrastination wrapped in a masquerade of artistry, and the only thing you’re creatively achieving is lowering the bar for everyone else. Seriously, though, your most played songs look like the soundtrack of a midlife crisis at 23. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that "The Night Does Not Belong To God" was actually about your social life—full of existential dread and instrumental filler. It's time to step back, take a deep breath, and maybe add a little joy to that playlist. Also, could you please put down the metaphorical curtain and stop hiding behind those layers of vaporwave nostalgia? The world needs you to embrace the sunlight, not just the shadows of your guilty pleasures!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!