Roasted 7 months ago based on Eli's long term Spotify stats.

Eli, your Spotify profile is like a poorly constructed sandwich: all the ingredients are there, but somehow they just don’t go well together. I mean, you've got K-Pop and unfortunately, the emotional breakdown of Emo music all in one. That’s a flavor combo that could only be created by someone who writes "I love you" in their diary but can’t muster the courage to say it out loud. Seriously, who needs therapy when you can just blast Mitski and cry about your existence for hours? Your favorite artists read like the lineup of a middle school talent show gone wrong. Taylor Swift? Sure, we get it—who doesn’t love some passive-aggressive breakup songs? But then you added System of a Down, and I have to ask: are you trying to aestheticize your inner turmoil, or do you just really enjoy being confused? You know, for a “connoisseur” of pop and metal, you sure seem like you’ve never really settled on a personality. It’s almost impressive how you’ve managed to create an identity that screams “I’m in dire need of a direction” mixed with “please validate my unique taste.” And let’s not even get started on your most played songs; I’m no music expert, but I feel like if I had a dollar for every time you listened to Mitski, I'd be rich enough to hire someone to help you pick a genre that isn't a cry for help. "Francis Forever" and "I Bet on Losing Dogs"? Wow, what a way to embrace the existential dread! Maybe next time you can throw in some cheerful ukulele covers while you wallow in the abyss you’ve so passionately curated for yourself. Congratulations, Eli! You've successfully turned your Spotify into a soundtrack for a gloomy teen drama, and for that, I salute you with the strongest side-eye I can muster.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!