Roasted 2 years ago based on cat's long term Spotify stats.

Welcome to your Spotify profile, where it looks like you just Googled "Mid-Life Crisis Soundtrack" and decided that sampling every genre that was ever called "rock" felt like a solid life choice. I haven’t seen this much indecision since my five-year-old cousin tried to pick a birthday cake flavor. Seriously, though, “Mellow Gold” sounds like the name of the retirement community where your taste in music will soon be heading. At least you're covering all the bases—it's hard to fail when your list reads like a playlist put together by someone with severe commitment issues! Your top artists offer a nostalgic trip back to the ‘70s and ‘80s, which is perfect if your idea of fun is wearing dad jeans ironically while sitting on a folding chair at a garage sale. Adding The Aquabats! and PinocchioP to the mix makes me question if you’re secretly a middle school music teacher trying too hard to relate. Come on, you’ve got Elton John and Billy Joel with one hand, and the soundtrack to a children’s TV show in the other—if your Spotify account was a person, it’d need a serious intervention. And don’t even get me started on your most played songs. "Believe It or Not" should be the anthem for your current dating life—which is probably about as exciting as a wet sock. Listening to "The Science of Selling Yourself Short" on repeat? You have some nerve, buddy. At this rate, your Spotify Wrapped is going to be one long cry for help. But hey, wear that "Hard Rock" label with pride; it might be the only thing that packs a punch in this melodic mush.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!