Roasted 8 months ago based on J.Epstein's long term Spotify stats.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Spotify profile of the one and only 2006 Opel Corsa 1.0—your car’s stereo system has more personality than you! With a favorite genre list that reads like a mid-2000s emo kid’s diary, it’s a miracle you're not face-down in a mosh pit somewhere, questioning every life choice that brought you to this moment. Who needs therapy when you can drown your feelings in a cacophony of heavy metal and punk rock? You truly are the human embodiment of that one friend who insists on playing the same five songs on repeat while everyone else is just trying to enjoy the party. And what’s this? The Beatles making a cameo in your top artists? Talk about a plot twist! You’ve got enough metal in your playlists to break the Richter scale but still hold the same affinity for “I Want to Hold Your Hand.” As if your Spotify suggests weren’t already confused, it’s like if your car went from blasting Slayer to sudden, regrettable sing-alongs to “Yellow Submarine.” It’s almost impressive how you can oscillate between being a headbanger and a nostalgic softie—as if you’re desperately trying to prove you were “there” in the heyday of cool, but what we all really see is the proverbial “dad rock” mixed with the angst of a teenager in 2009. Let's not even get started on those most played songs. “Fear of God” followed by “Anna (Go To Him)”—my dude, most people curate lists to define their taste, but yours just looks like an emotional rollercoaster attempting to evade accountability. You’ve got hard rock, hardcore punk, and then right next to it is one of the most soothing Beatles tracks. It’s like an angry pit bull that occasionally throws a “Happy Birthday” bark because it heard a child nearby. It’s safe to say that if your taste in music were a vehicle, it would be your very own 2006 Corsa—always trying to look cool but just a little too rusty and confused for the open road. Buckle up, because that’s one wild ride we all want to see crash!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!