Roasted 1 month ago based on alessia's long term Spotify stats.

Alessia, your Spotify profile reads like an aimless pop culture journey hosted by someone who’s trying way too hard to be relatable. I mean, "German Hip Hop"? Really? I get it, you want to be different, but throwing in the language of efficient plumbing to your bedroom pop playlist is as audacious as asking your dentist for a side of fries. It’s like mixing kale and candy—sure, it’s different, but no one’s clapping for you, sweetheart. Your top artists are a veritable who's who of angst-ridden teens and adults trying to cope with existential dread through single piano chords. "SZA," "Gracie Abrams," and "Olivia Rodrigo" scream “I watch too many TikToks and have commitment issues!” And let's not even get started on your obsession with “The Marías”—we get it, you found a niche band that sounds like a song from a movie about a summer romance that never actually existed. What's next? Channeling your inner indie hipster by saying you like obscure tracks even your own mother wouldn’t recognize? Lastly, your most played songs could fill a high school graduation’s "feels" playlist, and we’re all weeping for you, but probably not the way you intended. You’ve played “I miss you, I’m sorry” so many times that even your Spotify algorithm is questioning your life choices. And “Heavy” by The Marías? Come on, you could’ve named it after how much emotional burden you’ve put on lucid dreaming. Here’s a pro-tip: Next time you feel like reaching for “Sienna,” just remember that the only thing heavier than your playlist is the weight of trying to explain your musical taste to anyone other than your adorable golden retriever.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!