Roasted 1 year ago based on Nate Helwig's long term Spotify stats.

Hey Nate, I can't help but notice your Spotify profile looks like it's trapped in a high school basement with a “No girls allowed” sign. Your love for alternative metal and thrash rock makes me wonder if your idea of a good time is screaming into a mirror while wearing your favorite band’s T-shirt and pretending you're in their music video. Seriously, how many times have you tried to headbang and accidentally knocked over a lamp? Like, dude, you’re a 30-year-old man—let’s upgrade from “Angst” to “Adulting,” alright? The top ten artists on your list are a festival of gloom and doom. You’ve got enough death metal to start a morgue in your living room and enough nu metal to confuse a teenager trying to define their own identity. I mean, you’re really killing the “metal fan” stereotype here— it’s like you took all the dark and brooding aesthetics and made them your personality. I half expect your bio to include “currently working on my Dungeons & Dragons campaign" or “adventuring through the existential dread of everyday life.” Your most played songs are practically a funeral playlist. “All Is Forgiven” and “Wolf Moon”? Sounds like the titles of songs you’d blast while crying over a breakup that wasn’t even that serious. You’ve got a serious fixation on “Trouble,” but buddy, it sounds like you’ve been taking notes from them instead of nailing life. So, here's some friendly advice: put the earplugs in, turn off the growling, and step outside once in a while. Maybe allow the sun to touch your pale skin instead of thinking it’s an evil light that destroys your metal cred. Just a thought!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!