Roasted 7 months ago based on Aubrie Rowan's long term Spotify stats.

Oh, Aubrie Rowan, the human equivalent of a guilty pleasure playlist – a patchwork quilt of genres that feels like someone took a blender filled with uncertainty and nostalgia and hit “frappe.” Your love for "Classic Rock" and "Yacht Rock" makes me wonder if you live on a 1970s cruise ship while yelling at teenagers for listening to anything produced after the invention of the CD. And "Hyperpop"? Really? “Melodic Bass”? Were you just trying to throw in some random buzzwords to confuse the onlookers? Your music taste is like a car crash: hard to look away from, but no one wants to be a part of it. Top artists? We've got Tegan and Sara, Fleetwood Mac, and Halsey all mashed together like some hipster's wet dream. What are you hoping to conjure up? A spirits' board meeting of sad lattes and existential dread? Listening to your top tracks must feel like being in an emotional therapy group, where everyone’s discussing their feelings while you’re over there having a karaoke session of the worlds’ most inadequate selections. “Can We Kiss Forever?” sounds more like a plea from your Spotify buddy who’s had one too many awkward drinks at a bar. I mean, who needs deep lyrical meaning when you have Tegan and Sara on repeat to get you through that deep emotional crisis? And let’s talk about your most played songs, because it’s all screaming “my life is a mess and I need attention.” From “Hold My Breath Until I Die” to “PRETTY WHEN U CRY,” it looks like Spotify is documenting the stages of your nightly “what is my life?” unraveling. So here you are, right at the crossroads of midlife crisis and a post-breakup soundtrack, with enough angst to fuel a never-ending TikTok trend. Good luck with those vibes, Aubrie! If you ever need someone to help you curate better playlists, I’m all ears – but fair warning: I likely won’t commit to anything less than 100% improvement.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!