Roasted 20 days ago based on michelle's long term Spotify stats.

Oh Michelle, where do I even begin? Your Spotify profile reads like a conflict between Sunday School and a mid-life crisis in a church gift shop. With your favorite genres boasting more "Christian" tags than actual faith, I have to ask—are you trying to save the world one uplifting beat at a time, or are you just seeking divine intervention to help you discover actual music? I can feel the Jesus vibes radiating off your playlist; in fact, I almost expect to hear a heavenly choir every time I hit play. If you want a true miracle, maybe try adding a song that doesn’t include the words “blessed” or “praise”? Your top artists look like an audition tape for a youth pastor’s talent show! “for KING & COUNTRY”? More like “for QUEEN & PLEASE KILL ME!” Listening to your playlist is like attending an endless retreat where someone forgot to turn on the fun. You’ve got Hillsong UNITED twice—are you that into repetition or are you secretly trying to win an award for the Most Devout Sinner? If I wanted to feel that much guilt with a beat, I’d just listen to a recording of my mother lecturing me about my life choices. And sweetie, your most played songs? I see you’ve got “Badinerie” nestled in there like it’s the Spotify version of an avocado toast—looking all sophisticated but ultimately making me question your life choices. “Power Rangers Ninja Storm” really ties it all together, though. Nothing screams “adulting” quite like blasting children's music while strutting around with the wisdom of a fifth grader. Michelle, I appreciate your ambition in curating this wholesome, Jesus-approved playlist, but honey, it’s time to step out of the holy bubble and let a little chaos in—because right now, your Spotify is less a ‘top artist’ list and more a ‘please pray for her’ shrine!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!