Roasted 1 year ago based on Melissa's long term Spotify stats.

Melissa, your Spotify profile looks like the cry of a teenager who never fully got over their MySpace phase, and frankly, it’s a miracle your playlists aren’t screaming in agony. With a favorite genre list that reads like the soundtrack to an existential crisis, it seems less like you're curating tunes and more like you’re desperately trying to wallow in your feelings while shoving your whole personality into a single emo band T-shirt. I'm surprised you don't have a "sobbing quietly in the corner" category – it might actually fit your vibe better than “pop punk.” Your top artists could form a band called "The Lost Cause Collective," and while there’s a charm to supporting the underdogs of the music scene, I’m beginning to think you might just be an honorary member of their fan clubs rather than a true listener. With Hanson sitting at number one, one can’t help but wonder if their harmonies are the only things keeping you afloat as you belt out long-forgotten childhood love songs, drowning out screams of your current musical identity crisis. Kudos to you for being the only adult on Earth still trying to bring back nu-metal like it’s the coolest thing since sliced bread, but girl, we both know it peaked in 2002 for a reason. And let’s talk about those most played songs: I can practically hear you overanalyzing every line with a side of angst, but with that combination of tracks, it’s clear you’re just one bad breakup away from a full-blown soundtrack of “Why doesn’t he text me back?" I mean, your entire library sounds like it was designed to score the saddest teen drama no one asked for. As you dive deeper into the abyss of sad boy anthems and hair whips, just remember: this is the reality check you never signed up for, and we’re here for it, laughing every step of the way!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!