Roasted 11 months ago based on Sam Sturges's long term Spotify stats.

Sam Sturges, your Spotify profile reads like a midlife crisis playlist for the confused. It’s like you plucked genres out of a hat and said, “Let’s throw in UK Drill and country because I can't be bothered to commit to anything!" Seriously, who needs musical cohesion when you can have the chaotic sound of a heartbroken emo teenager trying to two-step with a cowboy? Your favorite genres look more like a Yelp review for a restaurant with an identity crisis than a legitimate taste in music—grime, drill, and soft pop? Someone fetch the sonic therapist! Scrolling through your top artists, I have to ask: did you accidentally select the “Most Popular on TikTok” filter? It's safe to say your taste is less about depth and more about having everyone’s favorite songs on shuffle—like you’re trying to be the ultimate earworm supplier at the next sad high school dance. I mean, come on, how many times does a person need to hear "Wagon Wheel" before questioning their life choices? At this point, you might as well add “Snoozer McGee” to your resume because that mix is putting everyone to sleep. And let’s chat about your most played songs: the sheer volume of Olivia Rodrigo surging through your playlist suggests you might be in deep denial about your romantic prospects. "So American"? If that doesn’t scream "cringe," I don’t know what does. You've got a tune for watching paint dry and another for sobbing into your popcorn—when it comes to your listening habits, you've truly mastered the art of the one-man pity party. You might want to work on curating a playlist that won't have your friends week after week questioning your life choices. At this rate, your Spotify account alone is trying its best to get you out there, but darling, we both know your music tastes are holding you hostage!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!