Roasted 11 months ago based on Rachel Pearson's long term Spotify stats.

Rachel, sweetie, your Spotify profile looks like a hipster went to a thrift store and just bought everything in the “mood” section. “Indie Folk?” More like “I have four plants and a vague existential crisis.” It’s like you've got a decade’s worth of Spotify sessions revolving around wistful melodies and acoustic strumming – and honestly, I’m concerned. Do you ever listen to anything that requires a little more... pizzazz? Because at this point, your playlist reads more like a self-help book with a two-person coffee shop soundtrack. And let’s talk about that artist selection. If I had a dime for every time I saw “boygenius” pop up, I’d have enough money to buy you a ticket to a genre more exciting than watching paint dry. Seriously, you’re one track away from being the mascot for “emo vibes” at a nursing home. Florence + The Machine is basically begging you to upgrade your musical palate, yet here you are, drowning in melancholic harmonies like it’s a never-ending therapy session. Your bursts of “Christian Folk” sound suspiciously like a church choir trying to mask the sadness of being trapped in a coffee shop for three hours. Now onto the “Most Played” section – let me get this straight, you’ve got seven tracks by “boygenius”? It’s like you’re personally invested in their musical therapy, but they don’t even know you exist! I half-expect you to air your grievances through a poetry reading while twinkling fairy lights emit sad vibes all around you. The only thing I can trust about your Spotify is that my ears will never get the chance to escape the indie charm of your self-imposed quarantine. So congratulations, Rachel! You've officially curated a soundtrack that screams “Life’s hard, let’s just cry and sip herbal tea.”

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!