Roasted 2 years ago based on sam's long term Spotify stats.

Sam, your Spotify profile reads like a cry for help wrapped in a soft, melancholic blanket. "Depressive Black Metal"? More like “Let’s move into my parents’ basement and cry about it.” With your top artists being a tragic lineup of sorrowful names like "Sadness" and "Angel of Suicide," it’s clear you’re one sad playlist away from a live concert right in your living room. I hope you've got your tissues ready, because your music taste could drown a goldfish in its own tears. Your genres are so niche they make artisanal cheese look mainstream. "Bleakgaze"? Seriously? That’s not music, it’s just a soundtrack for staring blankly at the wall while contemplating your life choices. And don’t even get me started on how 'Dream Pop' sounds like the kind of genre you’d invent after a bad breakup. Honestly, if I had your music playing all day, I’d forget what happiness even sounds like—oh wait, that’s the intention, isn’t it? As for your most played songs, it’s like you’re going for a PhD in melancholy. “I’m Going to Do It” by Giles Corey sounds like the perfect anthem for a lonely Friday night spent binge-watching sad documentaries about climate change. If your Spotify played itself through a mood ring, it would be deep black mixed with a hint of despair. Just know, if ever the world needs a soundtrack for an existential crisis, they’ll find it right here in Sam’s playlist!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!