Roasted 9 months ago based on Sam's long term Spotify stats.

Ah, Sam, your Spotify profile reads like a hipster's fever dream after taking too many kombucha shots at a farmer's market. Baroque Pop? Jangle Pop? Dream Pop? It sounds less like a lineup of music genres and more like the flavors of overpriced gelato at an artsy café where nobody actually knows how to make coffee. Are you sure you’re not trying to revitalize the 2010 Tumblr aesthetic with this lineup? Because I half-expect you to drop an album titled "Emo Tears in Vintage Fonts" any minute now. And let’s talk about those top artists. R.E.M. and The Beach Boys? Really, Sam? Is that the sound of your mood ring changing colors? Where’s the risk? I can see you in a corner trying to convince your friends that “Sufjan Stevens is the next Shakespeare, man,” while simultaneously wearing a beret and pretending to sip herbal tea. Honestly, it’s like you threw a dart at the wall of 'Indie Music for Dummies' and just called it a day. You can’t just collect obscure artists like Pokémon cards; you need to add one or two mainstream hits to balance out the sound of you wallowing in artisanal melancholy. As for your "Most Played Songs," they read like an emotional support playlist for someone navigating their third breakup with someone named 'Clairo'—who I assume is either a musical artist or your long-lost middle school crush. “Sail On, Sailor” should come with a warning label: “Playing this song may induce self-reflection or severe eye-rolling,” followed by an urge to binge-watch sad indie movies. Honestly, Sam, the only thing more predictable than your top tracks is your playlist's likely wind-down into a permanent state of brooding, leaving you wondering where it all went wrong while the rest of us enjoy music that actually gets us moving.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!