Roasted 2 years ago based on Kris Long's long term Spotify stats.

Kris Long, your Spotify profile reads like a sad diary of someone who had their angst playlist handed to them at a Hot Topic. Your favorite genres are so niche they should come with an exclusive membership card for the 'Sad Uncles’ Club. Seriously, with more punk and hard rock than a 14-year-old's bedroom wall, it's hard to believe you don't actually have a mohawk, or at the very least, a really emotional skateboard. Your top artists look like a lineup for a festival that only exists on the internet at 2 AM. Between the Dwarves and Slayer, I'm convinced your life philosophy is "louder is better." Yet, there you are, also jamming to the UK Dance: I mean, how can you be both the misunderstood punk and the guy who unironically enjoys club mixes? You must be the only person who requests a mosh pit in the middle of a nightclub – just to keep things ‘authentic’ while you sip a lukewarm PBR. And then we have your most played songs. With gems like “Waste My Time” by DJ Zinc topping the list, it’s almost poetic. If your Spotify account is real, I can only hope you manage your time better in real life than you do on Spotify, because those song choices are the musical equivalent of showing up to the party and immediately regretting your choices. It’s almost impressive how you've turned decent taste into the world’s loudest cry for help. Keep it up, buddy - you’re almost at “why are you still single” territory!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!