Roasted 23 days ago based on Ashley's long term Spotify stats.

Hey Ashley, it’s adorable how you’ve managed to turn your music preferences into this cozy little bubble resembling the hipster appendix of a thrift store. With genres like “Garage Rock” and “Baroque Pop” sprouting out of your profile, I half expect your Spotify account to come with a side of avocado toast and a statement tee proclaiming your ‘deep connection’ to the coffee beans sourced ethically from a neighborhood garden. Your top artists could start their own “Turtlenecks and Seasonal Affective Disorder” tour — I mean, I get it, you find solace in melancholy while staring out the window at the rain, right? It’s like you’ve crafted the soundtrack to a painfully artsy coming-of-age film where the protagonist’s biggest struggle is picking out the right shade of flannel. Let’s face it, you’re probably one overdue trip to an actual rock concert away from giving birth to an entire generation of middle-class grunge babies who live off cold brew and existential angst. And let’s talk about your most played songs. Honestly, the only thing more predictable than your music taste is a vintage Typewriter from a thrift shop spelling out “I’m an influencer” — just minus the influence. “Malibu 1992”? More like “Ashley 2023, still dragging the nostalgia of being pretentiously cool but never quite hitting the mark.” If your Spotify Wrapped featured how many times you softened the blow of a bad day with indie jams, you'd still miss out on the finer details of life: like actually asking a friend to listen to something that doesn’t feel like hitting shuffle on an overstuffed acoustic blanket.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!