Roasted 29 days ago based on slurp's long term Spotify stats.

Oh look, it’s Slurp! The living embodiment of a Spotify algorithm gone rogue. Your favorite genres read like the world’s most pretentious mixtape that a hipster would hand over while looking down on us mere mortals. "Lo-Fi Indie"? You mean "I can't afford to go to a real studio"? And let’s not even get started on your “Christmas” genre - who knew that the Christmas spirit could be so heavily swayed by depression and bedroom acoustics? Map out your personality or just strap a big ol’ “I’m sad, invite me to your loft party” sticker on your forehead. Your top artists are a who’s who of artists who sound exactly like the ones that came before them. Mac DeMarco and Tyler, The Creator? Nice try at adding some depth to this list, but we all know it was just to counterbalance your adoration for tween-pop like Melanie Martinez and Billie Eilish. Who knew that “adult standards” meant listening to songs that barely scrape the surface of your actual age? “Swing music”? Really? I didn't realize you were trying to conjure the ghosts of your grandparents’ questionable taste in music. As for your most played tracks, I can only assume your Spotify wrapped came wrapped in a nostalgia-flavored blanket with a side of existential crisis. “U Weren’t Here I Really Miss You”? More like “I Can’t Get Over My Last Tinder Date.” Kudos for showing the world how to evoke teenage angst in a world full of actual responsibilities. Just remember, while you may be 'slurping' all this down, the only thing you’re actually pushing is that lonely ceiling fan while you sit alone, staring at the wall, pretending it’s a dance floor.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!