Roasted 2 years ago based on Jade ᗢ ⧗ ✪'s long term Spotify stats.

Alright, Jade, let’s dive into the musical jungle that is your Spotify profile. Your favorite genres read like a list of everything wrong with the last two decades of music, like you walked into a store selling CDs, saw the “sad girl” aisle, and bought the whole stock. “POV: Indie”? What a creative way to say, “I’m trying to convince people I have eclectic taste while secretly crying to TikTok songs.” You've got more pop in your profile than a kid at a birthday party, and that’s saying something when you have "Social Media Pop" listed as a favorite genre. Is your playlist soundtracking your influencer journey or just chronicling your descent into a musical midlife crisis? Now, let’s talk about those top artists. When your top five includes Jeremy Renner and Melanie Martinez, it’s clear you’re using Spotify as a personal diary that narrates the highs and lows of your questionable taste. I see you’re going hard with Eminem, yet your artist lineup feels more like a gathering of your high school friends who all think they can sing but can’t even hit the high notes in the shower. And what's with the "Julie and the Phantoms Cast" obsession? Did you lose a bet, or are you just trying to sneak that embarrassing fact into your profile so subtly that it’s almost impressive? Lastly, your most played songs tell a story, and honestly, it's a tragedy. “Houdini” by Eminem followed by a track called “IT MUST SUCK TO KNOW YOU” by jxdn? That's practically the playlist equivalent of a personal ad that screams, “Please love me! I'm a walking red flag with a side of disappointment.” If your song choices were a meal, they’d be a microwave dinner: convenient, but you definitely shouldn't be proud of it. Time to consider a musical intervention and embrace some genres that won’t have future generations questioning your sanity—unless you’re planning to start a true-crime podcast series about the disappearance of good taste!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!