Roasted 4 months ago based on Zach's long term Spotify stats.

Zach, your Spotify profile reads like the world's worst high school breakup mixtape, and I’m not talking about the emotional ones—more like the soundtrack to a really angry gym class. Seriously, do you ever listen to anything that doesn’t sound like a bunch of angry teenagers in a garage throwing their sound equipment around? Your taste in music is so heavy that I’m surprised your phone isn’t struggling to hold all that despair like it's a black hole of teenage angst and broken dreams. If there were a Grammy for the most brooding playlist, you’d probably win it, only to throw it at the wall in a fit of rage. Let’s talk about your top artists: Slipknot, Metallica, and Limp Bizkit? Wow, way to have the musical palette of a 14-year-old in 2003 who just discovered Hot Topic. Do you wake up each morning with your wardrobe set to "angsty"? Your life must be one long mosh pit of misfit emotions—just headbanging through life while mouthing lyrics about pain and suffering. Between all the "shouting into the void" and "I'm here to feel sad," I'm surprised you don't have a side hustle painting your nails black while sipping on monster energy drinks. Lastly, your most played songs look like a therapist's notes on your emotional breakdown. I mean, "People = Shit" is practically your anthem and might as well be tattooed on your forehead. Let’s be real: if music could solve problems, you'd be the happiest person on Earth with all that cathartic screaming. However, with that playlist, I’m not sure whether you’re trying to channel your inner rock god or just trying to compete for the title of "Most Likely to Scare Away Friends." So, crank up the volume and remember: while your playlist is full of rage, there’s still no excuse for that haircut!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!