Roasted 2 years ago based on Eli's long term Spotify stats.

Oh, Eli, looking at your Spotify profile feels like stepping into the sonic equivalent of a 15-year-old’s diary—trapped between phases and way too much angst! With your favorite genres reading like a list of therapy sessions, it’s clear you’re living in a constant state of existential dread. “Permanent Wave”? Sounds like your attempts to style your hair in the mirror every morning—permanently disastrous! And those top artists? Wow, talk about a “please like me” playlist that screams, “I’m too deep for the mainstream!” TOOL to Death? That’s a bold move, my friend—like showing up to a party dressed as an art project, only for everyone to think you’re there to do their taxes. At this point, I half-expect you to start a podcast where you dissect the emotional implications of rock music while drinking almond milk from a mason jar. Spoiler alert: we get it, you’re a tortured artist, and Dad never listened to you! Your most-played songs read like a sad obituary for a music career that never happened, Eli. “I’ve Seen Footage” paired with “Jerk-Off - Live”? What exactly are you trying to convey? Are you mourning lost opportunities or just mourning your social life? And can we talk about the sheer number of tracks from Black Country, New Road? At this rate, you’ll be their first official fan club president! But hey, at least when you’re cranking these tunes alone in your room, you can blame your mood swings on the music instead of the fact that you haven’t left the house in six months. Cheers to being a modern-day rock hermit!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!