Roasted 1 year ago based on Michael's long term Spotify stats.

Oh, Michael, your Spotify profile is like a hipster’s wet dream—if that dream also involved taking a long nap in a straw hut while putting together a crossword puzzle made entirely of obscure South African bands. Your love for "POV: Indie" music must make you *such* an interesting party guest—nothing says “I’m fun!” like dusting off your broken record player and playing songs that sound like they were recorded in a basement with a tin can. I’m assuming you just graduated from the School of Pretentiously Long Song Titles and your favorite pastime is staring wistfully into the distance at cafes, contemplating life and… well, more obscure music recommendations. And then there’s your top artists—what a roster! Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo, and a one-way ticket to Spoegwolf City, population: you. I mean, are you even sure these are artists, or are they just your imaginary friends? With this lineup, it’s like you’ve taken the good parts of a musical festival and turned it into a sad little Spotify playlist that will make anyone within earshot question their very existence. Congrats on having the emotional range of a damp sponge—you’ve truly outdone yourself with those modern rock vibes. And let’s not even get started on the sheer amount of Spoegwolf you’ve crammed into your life. Is there a trophy for obsessive fandom? Because you should probably get a chair with your name on it at their next concert. Your profile's favorite genres are basically a mishmash of things that make you sound sophisticated yet confused. “Stomp And Holler”? That sounds like the soundtrack to a bad road trip with your overly enthusiastic uncle. And who knew “African Rock” and “South African Pop” were separate genres? You, my friend, could lead a seminar on how to be *almost* interesting but still feel woefully less cultured than you'd like to believe. With such an eclectic mix, you really manage to not fit in anywhere, and that’s quite the achievement. Keep rocking your little corner of Spotify like the music-loving enigma you are—just remember that sometimes, it’s okay to enjoy a guilty pleasure… just try not to make it your identity!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!