Roasted 1 year ago based on Dylan Schlegel-Smith's long term Spotify stats.

Dylan Schlegel-Smith, huh? A name like that screams, "I still play with action figures!" Your Spotify profile reads like a playlist curated by a confused time traveler who thought the 90s were still happening. I've seen mixtapes in thrift stores that have more identity than you do. It's like you threw a dart at genres and ended up with a collection that sounds more like an identity crisis than a coherent taste in music. R&B and Pop? You must be on a first-name basis with every radio DJ and bartender who serves you your Cosmopolitan while rolling their eyes. Let’s talk about those artists. Elvis Presley to Jack Johnson in ten steps or less? That's not a musical journey, Dylan; that's a stumble across a buffet where you find comfort in playing it safe. I mean, seriously, how does one go from “Hawai'i '78” by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole to “End Of The Road” by Boyz II Men without setting off the alarms for bad decisions? It's a wonder if your life is as diverse as your playlist or if it’s just filled with the same ol’ stories of aimlessly checking the mail and wondering how avocado toast is still trendy. And then there’s that list of most played songs. I can't tell if you’re working on a romance novel with that amount of Dramatic R&B or if you just binged a 2020s version of "How to Not Get Over Your Ex." “Hurt Me So Good”? Really? Might as well slap a “Please send help” sticker on that one. Dylan, let’s be honest: if your music taste were a person, it would be that ex who insists they’re still totally “chill” while forcibly showing you their collection of crystals. Time to shake up that playlist before you start manifesting some serious emotional baggage!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!