Roasted 9 months ago based on eloise's long term Spotify stats.

Eloise, your Spotify profile is like a never-ending middle school talent show—trying to impress us with your eclectic taste while simultaneously making us question our life choices. "Cloud Rap"? Really? Are we just stepping off the school bus to hang out in the dankest corner of the internet? Your top genres sound like a therapist's list of symptoms for someone who primarily communicates through TikTok sounds and confessional Instagram stories. I half-expect to see "Whiny Library Blues" listed next week. Your top artists read like a mixtape curated by an overdramatic teenager who's trying to show off how "deep" they are. Drake and Tay-K? Oh honey, it's good to have a range, but it also looks like you couldn't bear to pick a side between "Hey, I'm a sensitive soul" and "I might actually be scary." I get that deep down, you're just one sappy love song away from writing an emo-revival manifesto, but let’s remember that "Bedroom Pop" is not a valid excuse to stay in your PJs and lick your wounds all day. And that playlist, Eloise! "Most played songs" is more like a list of tracks you put on while contemplating life decisions too heavy for your precocious heart. If "Wild Thoughts" and "Better in the Dark" could talk, they'd probably be battling it out over who gets to wipe your tears first. But honestly, with tracks like "Took Her To The O," your entire profile gives off a strong "I might get cancelled next week" energy. Good luck, and don’t forget to keep blinking between those clouds—you wouldn’t want to miss life while perpetually stuck in your feels!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!