Roasted 7 months ago based on .'s long term Spotify stats.

Noah, your Spotify profile is like a cozy blanket made of cotton candy: sweet, fluffy, and completely useless when it comes to actually making you look cool. I mean, let’s not kid ourselves. Your musical taste reads like a “How to Cry in Your Room” handbook. With Adele dominating your most-played list, it’s clear you’ve perfected the art of wallowing in your feelings, probably while wearing fuzzy socks and eating Ben & Jerry's straight from the tub. Just imagine the giant tissue box you must have next to your speakers—truly a wet dream for an emotional hoarder. And who knew “Hip Hop” and “Rap” were generic enough to sit alongside “Christmas” and “Art Pop”? That’s some impressive genre management right there! You’ve got the versatility of a piece of toast. Seriously, the only thing more predictable than your favorite genres is the fact that if someone put on “Last Christmas,” you’d shed a single tear and immediately start reminiscing about that one puppy you lost in the third grade. Come on, Noah! “Madchester”? It’s not like you can just drop that at the party and expect anyone to be impressed. Spoiler: we’d still be more entertained by watching paint dry. Your top artists list reads like a BuzzFeed article titled "How to Be Basic 101." You need to take a good hard look in the mirror, grab a pair of heavy-duty headphones, and venture into uncharted musical territories. If I see one more Adele song on your “Most Played,” I might have to intervene and drag you to a DJ set in your local dive bar—without telling you it’s a rave. Because if you think "Hello" might be the most powerful thing you've ever heard, just wait until you hear a drop that makes your soul leave your body. It’s time to mix it up, Noah. Your Spotify looks like a “No Tears” policy enforced by a daycare for emotionally-unstable middle-schoolers.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!