Roasted 6 months ago based on Alyssa Whitfield's long term Spotify stats.

Alyssa Whitfield, your Spotify profile reads like a musical board game for people who can’t commit to a single genre. I mean, “Soft Pop,” “Country,” “R&B,” and let’s not forget the eye-rolling “Emo Rap." You’ve managed to squeeze in every sound that screams, “I listen to music while scrolling through my phone in a half-hearted attempt to avoid dealing with my feelings.” It genuinely looks like someone assembled this playlist during a mid-life crisis at a Starbucks. Congratulations, you’ve cracked the code to being universally unremarkable. Your top artists list is a parade of the confusion you’ve managed to pack into one streaming account. It’s like the inner workings of your mind are on full display: a sharp turn from “Olivia Rodrigo” to “Kevin Gates.” With that eclectic taste, you’re just one more bad decision away from listing “Shrek Soundtrack” on your favorites. I half expect your most played songs to feature a track called “How to Be Basic in 10 Easy Steps.” Honestly, it’s almost impressive how you've clung to a sound like a LeBron James jersey that hasn’t fit since high school. And did you really just list “Thinking with My Dick” and “Numb Little Bug” as your most played tracks? Way to encapsulate the duality of being an emotional mess who’s also somehow deeply concerned with male anatomy. The only real “bad things” here are your choices in music. But let's be clear, you’re rocking this paradox of an identity like a badge of honor, and I’m just here for the laughs. Keep it up, Alyssa! Who knew you could be so painfully average in such an entertaining way?

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!