Roasted 2 years ago based on Alyssa's long term Spotify stats.

Alyssa, your Spotify profile is like a buffet where they forgot to cook the food. I mean, “POV: Indie”? Is that a genre or just your existential crisis talking? With a playlist of genres ranging from “Dance Pop” to “Conscious Hip Hop,” your musical taste reads like a teenager's attempt to impress their artsy friend that never actually asks for a mixtape. Seriously, how many vibes can one person have? At this point, your only commitment is to indecision—a real standout quality in the world of music. Your top artists are a reflection of your personality: simultaneously trying too hard and not trying at all. Bo Burnham? So edgy, yet your debate about whether to play his songs on repeat or mix it up with some whimsical Steven Universe tracks feels like you’re having a fun identity crisis right there on the couch. You literally have "Ocean Waves Radiance" on repeat—great choice for when you're too emotionally drained to commit to an actual beat. Doja Cat next to “Lofi Sleep Chill & Study”? It’s like mixing caffeine with a warm blanket, Alyssa. What kind of mood are you even going for? And let’s talk about your most played songs. “We’ll Never Have Sex”? Wow, that’s a bold move for someone who also has “I Miss You Crazy” on loop. I see your vibe—you’re out here sending mixed signals like you’re the world's least effective relationship therapist. The only place you’d get a date is at a speed dating event for awkward introverts. But hey, keep rocking that “I’m serious about self-care” playlist, because from where I’m standing, your Spotify is more chaotic than a toddler in a room full of crayons.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!