Roasted 2 years ago based on Mariah Dutcher's long term Spotify stats.

Mariah, your Spotify profile is basically a collection of your musical indecision. I mean, "Modern Country Pop?" Seriously? You're like the human equivalent of a compromise between a cowboy and a hipster who can’t quite commit to either lifestyle. With more genre confusion than a toddler in a candy store, it seems like you just wandered into a music festival and ended up with an armful of wristbands, but hey, as long as you can sip your pumpkin spice latte while singing along to tracks about love and lost cattle, right? Your top artists hint at a deep existential crisis. Let’s break it down: you’ve got Zach Bryan, who sings about heartbreak, and Morgan Wallen, who’s basically a country balladeer reminding you that even in the darkest days, there’s probably a spiked seltzer waiting for you. Then there’s Sleep Token, which sounds like the soundtrack for a teenage girl’s diary entries after her first breakup. Not to mention your incessant need for "brakence" – like, we get it! You found a weird "brakence" shrine on Reddit and now you’re obsessed. Just remember, Mariah, it’s hard to dm someone when you’re too busy wallowing in a puddle of mixed emotions and musical ADHD. And seriously, your "most played songs" reads like the back cover of a 10th grader’s depression mixtape. With all that deep, introspective music, it's hard to believe you don’t spend your nights crying in a corner while furiously scrolling through TikTok. Stop digging for musical soulmates in the bottom of your Spotify library and maybe try throwing a little Taylor Swift or Kacey Musgraves into the mix – you know, just to balance out the angst of it all. But until then, keep rocking your confused playlist, Queen of the Country-politan; it's both tragic and hilarious, just like a reality show waiting to be greenlit.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!