Roasted 8 months ago based on Ethan's long term Spotify stats.

Ethan, I can’t help but wonder if you’re secretly trying to start a new genre: “Confused Palette Rap.” With a resume that reads like a desperate hip-hop Tinder profile, you’ve got more sub-genres than actual personality. How many tags can someone use to cover the fact that they still can’t pick one favorite sound? It’s like you’ve been scrolling through Spotify with 10 different screens open, and each one is telling you “don’t settle!” Well, buddy, settle down, because “Rage Rap” might just be the perfect soundtrack for your existential crisis. And talk about your favorite artists! If I had a dollar for every basic choice on that list, I could literally buy your entire profile, decorate it with some style, and still have some change left for a new Spotify subscription! Don’t get me wrong, I totally see how you picked Travis, Kendrick, and Kanye—the “Holy Trinity of Basic.” Your top artists are less like a collection and more like a safe space for anyone with an Instagram aesthetic that screams “Look at me, I’m deep, but not that deep.” Bravo, Ethan! You tried your best—and by “best,” I mean you clicked “like” on the most popular tracks without so much as a second thought. Now let’s talk about your most played songs. “Panda” by Desiigner and “The Box” by Roddy Ricch? Daring choices, my friend! It’s like you’re in a committed relationship with the top 40 and never bothered to cheat. Your library looks like it was curated during a roadside gas station stop, and every time you hit “play,” a little piece of your individuality dies. Come on, man! No one’s asking for you to download some obscure jazz album, but if I wanted to hear the same song replayed over and over again, I’d just hang out with a parrot. If this is your attempt at being “well-rounded,” it’s as effective as a door-to-door salesman trying to peddle life insurance to a litigious alligator—good luck with that!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!