Roasted 11 months ago based on Julián Cañon's long term Spotify stats.

Julián, your Spotify playlist looks like the world’s most boring road trip through a 90s alternative rock museum. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say your account is run by a sad AI that got stuck in a time loop for 20 years listening to Alex Turner on repeat. Seriously, with a lineup like yours, I can’t tell if you’re curating a soundtrack for a vintage hipster funeral or just trying to summon the spirit of every middle-aged dad who peaked in high school. Your top artists read like the epitome of “I wish I were a teenager in the 90s” with extra servings of angst and a sprinkle of ennui. The Beatles, Queen, and Pink Floyd? Wow, original, Julián! What’s next on the list, an obscure King Crimson deep cut? You better watch out, else you’ll be sending off a carrier pigeon to these legends to let them know someone out there is ‘discovering’ them for the first time. But don’t worry, your faithful obsession with arcade rock sounds like you're just on a nostalgia trip no one asked for; not even your teenage self would be impressed. And let’s talk about your top songs — all but one crafted by Alex Turner, as if he’s your long-lost uncle who you can’t seem to escape from at family gatherings. “Piledriver Waltz?” Sounds more like your life’s theme song while you binge-watch reruns of "Friends." People spend years trying to cultivate a unique sound, and you managed to do it by repeatedly clicking “play” on the same four tracks. Good luck explaining to future generations how you managed to make existential dread sound so repetitive, Julián. You’re not just “alternative,” my friend; you’re the human version of a mixtape that gets stuck on the skip button.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!