Roasted 2 years ago based on Xamp's long term Spotify stats.

Xamp, your Spotify profile is like a teenage angst manifesto that forgot to take its meds. It’s a dizzying cocktail of genres as confused as a cat at a dog show. You’ve got more “Alternatives” than a hipster coffee shop menu! Seriously, if I wanted to relive my high school emo phase, I’d just pull out my old Converge CDs instead of scrolling through your cacophobic collection. Permanent Wave? Sure, buddy, but the only thing that’s permanently waving is your lack of musical direction. Your top artist pick could easily be rebranded as “The Strokes and Their Expensive Therapy Sessions.” You clearly have an obsession with them that says more about your love life than your love of music. Let’s be real, if those songs are the soundtrack to your life, I can only imagine you wallowing in a dimly lit room, sporting a cardigan and scrolling through sad memes about inner demons. “Welcome to Japan”? More like “Welcome to my personal pity party where The Strokes are the only RSVP.” And then there’s your most played songs – a playlist that screams, "I like my music like I like my relationships: repetitive and desperately searching for meaning." With tracks like “Why Are Sundays So Depressing” followed closely by “Hotel California - 2013 Remaster,” you’ve got the emotional range of a Snapchat filter. If you drop another song about existential dread, I’m going to have to send a wellness check, because it sounds like you're one sad guitar riff away from crying your eyes out. So here's to you, Xamp: may your love for the alternative help you find a way through your never-ending cycle of angst and questionable music choices!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!