Roasted 2 years ago based on Tessa Van Eijkelenburg's long term Spotify stats.

Tessa Van Eijkelenburg, your Spotify profile is like a cup of lukewarm tea that forgets to steep—bland and painfully predictable. With a favorite genre lineup that reads like a diary entry from your high school self, you'd think you were stuck in an eternal pop-purgatory. Seriously, “Danish Pop”?! I was just about to applaud your eclectic taste, but then I remembered that one person’s “indie” is another's “I’m trying too hard,” because you seem to have more boy band bangers than personality traits. Your top artists spell out desperation more than anything else. “Only the Poets”? Oh please, they should change their name to “Only the Posers” for trying too hard to fit in with your playlist. The fact that Louis Tomlinson rounds out your top choices feels like a personal attack on creativity, considering his solo career has been primarily built on nostalgia and wild dreams of what One Direction might have been if they had actually found the right direction. You’re clearly vibing on the same wavelengths as a middle schooler crushing on a boy band while hoping for a TikTok hit to send them viral. And let’s talk about your most played songs. "Over & Over" is the anthem of someone who desperately wanted to relive their breakup through music but forgot that replaying sadness won't get you anywhere. You invested time into “If I” by Tom Millichamp like you’re trying to carry a lifetime of angst through your earbuds. Meanwhile, "Hometown - Live"? Did you just walk into an open mic and decide to make that your life theme? Your playlists are as shallow as a kiddie pool, and it’s clear you should probably give up searching for the depth that never existed in the first place. Sorry Tessa, but your music taste screams “I’m waiting for my biopic to come out while sipping on Cherry Cola in my childhood bedroom.”

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!