Roasted 9 months ago based on ajb's long term Spotify stats.

Oh, ajb, your Spotify profile reads like the playlist of a high school cheerleader who decided to major in angst. I mean, did your music taste take a time machine to 2007, or are you just a stylish goth crying into a glittery cupcake? With a favorite genre list that runs longer than your attention span at a family gathering, it's clear you couldn't decide if you wanted to rock out or weep serenely over a latte. Let's talk about your top artists. Coldplay? Paramore? Jesse McCartney? At this rate, your playlist is basically a nostalgia trip for people who peaked in middle school and are now navigating adulthood with the emotional depth of a kiddie pool. I can hear your playlist now: "That's the sound of a thousand mixed signals and unrequited crushes in a single shuffle!" And those most played songs? Not even the Living Room Rock Band of your childhood would put you on repeat—and it looks like you're trying to curate the world’s cringiest coffee shop vibe. And what’s with this hodgepodge of genres? You've got Soft Pop and Metalcore cozying up like they're just two groups of friends who awkwardly crossed paths at a party. One minute you’re “fixing” your life with Coldplay and the next you’re blasting some ‘tough’ metal riffs as if you need to prove you have an actual pulse. Honestly, your Spotify profile feels like it was compiled by someone who couldn't quite commit to a single identity and decided to take a buffet approach to musical taste, indulging way too comfortably in each dish while secretly hoping no one asks for your recipe.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!