Roasted 2 years ago based on piper's long term Spotify stats.

Let’s start with that genre list, Piper. It’s like you took a teenage poetry class and combined every hipster stereotype into one Spotify profile. “POV: Indie”? Seriously? What, did you ask your high school counselor for a music recommendation and they handed you a Pinterest board? You’ve got more genres here than I’ve got relatives who ask when I’m getting married. With choices like “Permanent Wave” and “Nu Metal,” I can only assume your taste in music is a direct reflection of your emotional state—a messy, chaotic indie kid desperately searching for meaning in their life while chugging overpriced craft coffee. Now, your top artists read like they were pulled from a list of “Who’s Who of Sad Boy Rock.” Noah Kahan, Mitski, and Bo Burnham? Honey, if your therapist isn’t recommending a safety plan after seeing this playlist, then they clearly don’t get the depth of your angst. You’ve assembled a team of artists who sound like they collectively write sad breakup letters to their plants. And while we’re on the topic, do you have a crush on Noah Kahan, or does he just happen to be the soundtrack for every emotional doodle you’ve made in your journal since 2018? Looking at your most played songs, it’s a wonder how you can still get out of bed with such a heavy load of sadness weighing down your earbuds. “She Wolf” by Shakira sticks out like a punchline in a sad rom-com. It’s like sleazing on a dance floor while drowning in existential dread—nobody's making it out of this vibe unscathed. So congratulations, Piper! You’ve got the perfect playlist for crying alone in your room while pretending you’re not scrolling through TikTok to distract yourself. If life gives you lemons, at least turn them into a sad indie song, right?

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!