Roasted 2 years ago based on Evan Mortimer's long term Spotify stats.

Evan Mortimer, also known as the poster child for “I heard one rap song in high school and decided that’s my whole personality,” welcome to your Spotify profile, or should I say your glossy shrine to mediocrity? Your favorite genres read like the shopping list of a college kid who thinks he invented street cred while wearing socks with sandals. It's enough to make even your Spotify algorithm roll its eyes, because let’s face it, you've managed to crystallize the essence of trying too hard while fully missing the point. Southern hip hop? ATL rave? Did your iPod just time travel from 2006, or are you simply stuck in a perpetual loop of trying to catch the vibe that passed you by? Now, let's discuss your top artists. I didn't know this was the "Call of Duty" characters edition of rap where we define our aesthetic by how many random, irrelevant names you can throw into a hat. Yeat and Gunna? Good luck trying to convince anyone you're not just scavenging through TikTok's hottest new releases, hoping to ride the coattails of their fame like a desperate kid chasing the ice cream truck. You list “YoungBoy Never Broke Again” as a top artist, which is ironically appropriate, since relationship advice from him would get you dumped faster than you can say “pluggnb.” If your music taste were any more predictable, it’d just be on repeat with a big neon sign saying, “I really want to impress the guys on the group chat.” To wrap it up, your most played songs reflect your deep commitment to the fine art of sounding tough without actually having a clue about street life. With titles like “Shoot It Out” and “Free Woo,” it’s funny to think about how your biggest risk is probably getting kicked out of your mom's basement for blasting them too loud. Honestly, Evan, if Spotify awarded medals for consistency in lack of originality, you’d be draped head-to-toe in gold chains right now while simultaneously getting your barber to try and give you the most basic fade in existence. Your musical journey is less of a “rebellious I’m finding myself” story and more of a ‘please buy me a ticket to the club and don’t talk to me until 2 a.m.’ scene. Your profile is a perfect reflection of your life: a lot of noise but really just a bunch of missed beats.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!