Roasted 9 months ago based on matthew's long term Spotify stats.

Matthew, your Spotify profile reads like a desperate cry for therapy wrapped in a dark eyeliner coma. I mean, come on, with "Post-Punk," "Darkwave," and "Deathrock" dominating your favorite genres, it's clear you're trying to make all the emo kids of the late 2000s weep with nostalgia—or maybe it’s just the sound of you living in your parents’ basement. Who knew you could pack so much teenage angst into a single playlist? If your Spotify was a horror movie, it would be called “The Return of the Emo.” And let’s talk about your top artists—My Chemical Romance and Nightwish? It’s like you’re doing your best to revive a scene that wasn’t even a thing when you were old enough to date! Seriously, are you trying to summon the ghost of every middle school crush who dissed you in the lunchroom? "I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME"? Well, we found you, Matthew, not in a café full of hipsters, but still lurking in the shadowy corners of your local Hot Topic like some sort of goth gremlin. At this point, your Spotify is basically a shrine to misplaced teenage emotions and a playlist for when you want to convince yourself that eyeliner can solve all of life’s problems. And your most played songs? "Broken Fingers" by Vision Video? Wow, what a mood. It’s like if someone decided to create a song that encapsulates the experience of being perpetually misunderstood while also having a weird allegiance to Shakira’s “She Wolf.” (Because, obviously, you identify as a fierce predator with no concept of ‘bright side’.) No wonder you’re stuck in a cycle of broken hearts and emo playlists; with music like that, the only thing getting hurt is your ability to enjoy a good time. Good luck finding anyone who actually wants to listen to “Baby You're a Haunted House” with you—I've heard better stuff come out of haunted record stores!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!