Roasted 1 year ago based on Alden 🐌's long term Spotify stats.

Hey Alden, your Spotify profile reads like the diary of a stressed-out raccoon who moonlights as a grim poet. Death Metal paired with Folk Punk? Are you trying to create the world’s most confusing soundtrack for a road trip across a graveyard? It’s like you take a sip of moonshine, scream about the existential dread of living, then jump into a heartwarming folk song just to throw off your therapist. Seriously, your playlist has more mood swings than a soap opera star. And let’s talk about those favorite artists. "The Mountain Goats" next to "Haemorrhage"? It’s like you’re trying to curate a musical identity crisis. You went on a deep dive only to resurface gasping for air, with a mouthful of indie angst and basement-level grindcore. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if your Spotify Wrapped gave you a warning about emotional instability. Your taste is like a buffet at a metal festival, where the salad bar is suspiciously missing—a chaotic mix with a hint of questionable choices. Now, your most played songs list reads like a "Why you should probably reconsider all your life choices" seminar. "Skye Boat Song" followed by "Eating The Emesis"? I’m convinced you’re trying to balance relaxation with a soundtrack for a horror movie. I mean, who doesn’t want to feel calm while also contemplating their life choices between barfing and wallowing in depressive introspection? You’ve truly mastered the art of musical whiplash, and while we’re all laughing, just remember—life isn’t an indie film; it’s okay to pick a side!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!