Roasted 2 years ago based on Jackie's long term Spotify stats.

Jackie, your Spotify profile is an absolute treasure trove of genres only a hipster could love. I mean, "Hopebeat"? Really? Is that a new genre or just a euphemism for your perpetual state of existential dread? With a list that reads like a rejected title from an indie film festival, I can only imagine your playlists consist of tracks you cry to while sipping overpriced organic almond milk in a coffee shop that doesn't believe in Wi-Fi. Talk about pretentious—this is basically a musical petition for a lifetime membership to the 'I wear beanies indoors' club. Your top artists are a solid mix of performers who straddle the thin line between talent and demographic pandering. I can just picture you blasting “Call Me a Fool” while simultaneously DM-ing Jeremy Zucker asking him to save you from your own Spotify sins. And what’s with your devoted loyalty to Goldmyth? You realize it's a sign of the apocalypse when one artist monopolizes your listening habits so shamelessly. It's like sticking to avocado toast while claiming you're not basic; honey, your Spotify screams the word 'basic' louder than a tween at a Taylor Swift concert. As for your most played songs—wow, what a rollercoaster of melodrama! "Lover's Letdown" and "selfish"? If your playlists had feelings, they’d need therapy. But hey, look on the bright side: at least when you play "buzz cut," you'll be one snip away from a new identity. Just make sure to avoid a midlife crisis during "Slip Away" because, honestly, we're all rooting for you to find your way out of that emotional black hole. But until then, keep those indie vibes strong and don’t forget to show your Spotify profile some tough love, because it definitely needs it!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!