Roasted 1 year ago based on Ash's long term Spotify stats.

Oh Ash, your Spotify profile is like a musical diary of a teenager who just discovered the word "existential." Your favorite genres read like a cry for help: "POV: Indie" and "Bedroom Pop"—sounds more like a setup for awkward first dates in a basement than actual musical preferences. Seriously, do we have to check in on you? It’s like you had a wild night of shopping and somehow ended up at the thrift store of music genres. And “Bubblegrunge”? I can't tell if that's a style of music or a condition to describe your latest haircut. Now let's talk about your top artists. I've never seen someone clutch to niche names like they’re lifelines. "Slaughter Beach, Dog"? More like "Snoozefest by the Bay." And of course, we can't forget “Crywank.” Honestly, it's like you took an emo music class and failed, yet still somehow managed to submit your work for a passing grade. Between you and the vibes you’ve chosen, even Bo Burnham looks like he wants to distance himself from the trauma that's turning your Spotify into a therapy session. Lastly, let’s dive into your most played songs. "Cállame" by Bandalos Chinos? Is that not Spanish for "shut up"? Seems fitting, especially considering it’s on repeat right next to a song about "The World Ender." At least you're prepared for the apocalypse with your soundtrack of glassy-eyed indie woes. But come on, how many versions of "Gooey" do you need before your own brain starts to drip? You could cure someone's insomnia with this playlist alone, and it's really no wonder that "White Noise Atmospheres" is in there—it’s the only thing louder than the silence of your friends turning away from your music taste!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!