Roasted 7 months ago based on Bryan's long term Spotify stats.

Oh Bryan, with a Spotify profile that looks like a melancholic hipster’s worst nightmare, it’s clear you’ve assembled a playlist perfect for drowning your sorrows in a bowl of artisan granola. Your love for “Alternative R&B” and “Bedroom Pop” screams, “I’ve got commitment issues, but I’m going to commit to my feelings at 2 AM while gazing out a rain-smeared window.” You might as well change your name to "Emo Plant" because that’s the only thing growing in your life with all this soul-searching music. I mean, let’s talk about your "most played songs." Listening to “Mangosteen” by Nascent doesn’t make you an avant-garde connoisseur; it makes you sound like you spent an unfortunate amount of time Googling weird fruit combinations to impress your friends. And “Baby Powder”? What’s next, putting on a playlist called “Toilet Paper” just for the aesthetic? Your top artists might as well be a group of people too afraid to make real waves in the music scene! At this point, even your Spotify algorithm is rolling its eyes and recommending Nickleback just to shake things up. And then there’s your deep love for Christmas music, which we can only assume is personal therapy for your inability to let go of the fact that you peaked in high school. Let's face it, nothing screams “I’m living life to the fullest” like putting “Christmas” in your favorite genres list. What’s next, Bryan, are you going to add “Lullabies” to your top genres? Maybe “Smooth Jazz for Uninspired Mornings”? Keep reaching for that comfort zone, buddy. The only thing missing from your profile is a donation link for a sad, indie soundtrack documentary about your life choices.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!