Roasted 6 months ago based on shelby_lorraine's long term Spotify stats.

Oh Shelby Lorraine, your Spotify profile isn't just a collection of songs; it’s like a chaotic yard sale where someone tried to unload their existential crisis! Nothing screams "I’m figuring it all out but I didn't get the memo" quite like jamming to “Guided Rhythmic Breathwork Meditation” while drawing your last breath on the dance floor. Seriously, you could probably cure any case of insomnia with just the sound of your playlist—the only rave you’ll ever throw involves scented candles and chakra balancing. Your favorite genres read like a hipster's menu for a “Just Got Dumped” special. I mean, who needs Taylor Swift or Drake when you could groove to “Acid Techno” and “Neo-Psychedelic”? It's like you want people to think you like to live on the edge while actually just healing your past life trauma—who knew a list of genres would serve as the soundtrack to your therapy sessions? Just imagine explaining that to your family: “Mom and Dad, I’ve been really into 'Cold Wave' and 'Darkwave' lately. No, I’m not in a cult, I’m just trying to get my serotonin levels up!” And don’t get me started on your most played songs. Clearly, "I Am: Affirmations for an Abundant and Spiritually Fulfilling Life While You Sleep" has become your lullaby, because let’s be honest, the only thing you’re indulging in is an abundance of meditation. At this point, if your Spotify could talk, it would slap you for wasting precious listening hours on tracks that sound like they were recorded in a cave by a group of zen monks who’ve lost their way. But hey, at least while you’re busy feeling love and inhaling the vibes of “Psychedelic Rock,” everyone else at the club will just be wondering who that one person is with the otherworldly playlists and a permanently zen expression!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!