Roasted 10 months ago based on Tess Horton's long term Spotify stats.

Tess Horton, huh? Looking at your Spotify profile is like stepping into a time machine where genres haven’t evolved since the last big UK grime concert—and trust me, they really should have. You’ve got enough “UK” in your playlist to make folks believe you’re secretly trying to start a new Brexit campaign with your earphones as your megaphone. Seriously, it’s like your musical taste is an unholy grail of British sad boys and drill beats, fueling the stereotype that your biggest accomplishment is mastering the art of binge-watching reality TV while mumbling along to the chorus of “Free” by Emz. And let’s talk about that top artist lineup. If I had to guess your ideal night out, it would involve drifting between grungy pubs playing Oasis covers and trying to convince strangers that you definitely know Royel Otis on a personal level. I mean, you’ve got “Drake” sitting there like the last person invited to a party no one wants to call out. You’re serving up vibes more confused than a toddler at a family reunion: one second it's jungle beats, and the next it’s Britpop nostalgia, as if you’re trying to recreate the sound of a rainy Wednesday afternoon in Manchester. Newsflash, Tess—your music taste reads like a Spotify algorithm that accidentally got stuck in a cultural time loop. Now let's dive deep into your most played songs. “Foam” by Royel Otis? Can’t say I admire that choice unless we’re counting the number of hours you’ve spent Googling "how to successfully dress like a sad indie kid." And speaking of eclectic taste, you’ve got “Breakin’ Dishes” by Rihanna sitting next to tracks that sound like they were produced in a garage somewhere in East London. Here’s a tip: next time you're curating your playlist, maybe mix in a little less heartache and a little more self-awareness. At this point, your profile should come with a warning: “Caution - may induce cringe.” Thanks for the giggles, but your music selection is more confused than a cat in a dog park!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!