Roasted 8 months ago based on Essie's long term Spotify stats.

Essie, your Spotify profile is like a buffet at a confused restaurant: a bit of everything but still managing to ruin my appetite. You’ve got a K-Pop obsession so strong that I’m surprised you haven’t started learning Korean to fully embrace your inner fangirl. Following that, there’s "Noise Music," which, let's be honest, just sounds like you accidentally pressed every button on your keyboard. Your musical taste is the equivalent of opening a can of mixed nuts and finding out half of them are actually acorns. What’s next? “Experimental Polka”? As for your top artists, it’s a real testament to your expansive taste—if you were trying to win an award for the most indecisive listener on the planet. How do you go from the high-energy beats of Stray Kids to stab-you-in-the-heart ballads from Ryan Mack? You’re like a musical chameleon, except instead of blending in, you just look confused in every setting. And let's not forget Lauren Spencer Smith, who I can only assume is in this mix because you wanted something to sob dramatically to after a rough week. Your most played songs reveal an all-consuming emotional instability that would put a soap opera to shame. “IDK You Yet” really sums up your entire Spotify experience: you’re listening like a jilted lover who just can’t decide if they want to love or be loved. And the fact that you have "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None The Richer right next to "Me And My Broken Heart" is so perfect; it's like you planned it as a soundtrack to your impending emotional breakdown. Let’s face it, Essie, your playlist is proof that even Spotify understands the importance of variety… even if it makes it a total mess along the way!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!