Roasted 2 years ago based on Samuel J Schmitt's long term Spotify stats.

Samuel J Schmitt, huh? With a Spotify profile like yours, it's no wonder you haven’t had any meaningful human interaction since 2005. Your favorite genres read like a high school student’s desperate attempt to be edgy while still cozying up to pop sensibilities. Let’s be honest here: “Post-Grunge”? That’s code for “I peaked in 2006 and haven’t found a new album since.” You’ve got more mood swings than your average teen girl—jumping from “Melodic Metalcore” to “Pop” like it’s some kind of musical whack-a-mole. And the top artists? Noah Kahan and Attila in the same breath? Come on, dude, that's the equivalent of ordering a kale smoothie and chasing it down with a double cheeseburger. Seriously, do you use Spotify or just take a nap on your couch while a random playlist plays? It’s like your music taste is on a See-Saw, vacillating back and forth between metal you scream at your walls and pop you listen to when no one’s around. Your top played songs list looks like a sad mixtape gifted to an ex who was way out of your league. “Hurt Me”? Really? It sounds like a cry for help that also pleads for a better taste in music. And can we talk about “Godwhacker” by Steely Dan? Is that your core memory from an embarrassing college karaoke night? Let’s face it, Samuel, your profile screams “I’m trying too hard and I’m still failing miserably.” If we gave your music taste a visual representation, it would just be a potato in a ‘Metallica’ t-shirt cringing at its own life choices. Do us a favor: put down the headphones, step away from the Spotify, and maybe consider a guided meditation. Your playlists could really use some therapy.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!