Roasted 10 months ago based on Jack's long term Spotify stats.

Jack, your Spotify profile reads like the soundtrack of an 80s horror movie that never quite made it to theaters. I mean, "Who's Dragging This Corpse Around?" by Coatie Pop? Congrats on finding the perfect anthem for every awkward family gathering and post-breakup cry fest. With genres like Deathrock and Witch House on your list, you’ve managed to curate the perfect playlist for when you want to ruin a dinner party or scare off any potential friends. Seriously, do you even listen to music, or are you just trying to summon a goth army? And let's talk about those top artists of yours. Future Islands? Great choice if you want to mix existential dread with synth beats. But your love for Coatie Pop is honestly touching—like a weirdo at a funeral who just can’t let go. And who could forget the iconic Sisters of Mercy? You know you’re at peak goth when your favorite artists sound like they’re performing in a crypt during a thunderstorm. But hey, at least your interests ensure you’ll never be bothered by bright sunlight or small talk at parties! Last but certainly not least, we need to address your most played tracks. Between "Valhalla" and “I should keep some things to myself," I can't decide if you’re channeling your inner Norse god or just desperately trying to avoid self-reflection. With those titles, it looks like you’ve got a PhD in brooding, or maybe you're just stuck in a time loop of unfunny dad jokes and sad Spotify playlists. Embrace it, Jack—your commitment to the dark side is admirable, even if it does make the rest of us want to cover our ears and run for the hills!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!