Roasted 2 years ago based on Melissa Blaser's long term Spotify stats.

Melissa Blaser, the walking Spotify algorithm that couldn’t choose a single decade to commit to. Your favorite genres read like a middle school goth's diary, with more mood swings than a soap opera character. It’s adorable how you’ve thrown “Pixie” in there, as if it’s going to distract from the full-on emo breakdown your metalcore playlist suggests. Newsflash: metal doesn’t get more alternative just because you think adding "POV: Indie" gives it a layer of sophistication—it's like throwing a vegan burger into a barbecue just to say you tried. And then we have your top artists. Is "Bad Omens" paying you for advertisement or are you just one “concrete jungle” away from naming your firstborn after them? Taylor Swift must be regretting the day she let you into her fan base. Imagine a world where Taylor and “Asking Alexandria” both release a song on the same day—would you even survive the existential crisis of having to choose between “Shake It Off” and “I Will Overcome”? That’s truly a dilemma that would make anyone question their sanity—not that your Spotify loved ones haven't already. Finally, your most played songs are like the soundtrack to a midlife crisis of someone who never quite left high school. “CONCRETE JUNGLE” and “ARTIFICIAL SUICIDE”? Someone needs to check on your mental well-being or at least recommend a good therapist. Listening to that much “Bad Omens” is probably why you think 3 AM coffee shop conversations about the universe’s meaning is the peak of your social life. Melissa, sweetie, it’s never too late to diversify! The world has tons of music, you don’t have to keep torturing both yourself and us—seek help or at least a new playlist!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!