Roasted 2 years ago based on Sam's long term Spotify stats.

Sam, your Spotify profile is like a chaotic middle school diary that just discovered existentialism—indie angst draped in a "look how deep I am" facade. With a playlist full of artists whose names could use a spellcheck and song titles that sound like the hashtags of a sad influencer, you’ve somehow managed to turn your music taste into a form of self-therapy that even the therapist would refuse. “Permanent Wave”? More like “Permanently Awkward.” You must really love being in your feelings if your favorite genre is “slacker rock”—no one rocked harder than you while you sat on your couch contemplating life’s mysteries, like how you still don’t know how to grow up. But let’s talk about your top artists—it's like a lineup for an indie music festival that only takes place in a hipster's basement. Seriously, who are “Cigarettes After Sex”? You’re living proof that being emotionally unavailable is a whole music genre now. I’d suggest some actual classics, but I’m pretty sure you think Bob Dylan is just a brand of artisan soap. And “spookyghostboy”? What are you—a 14-year-old kid who just learned about emo music? If your music taste were a person, it would be that one friend who posts cryptic Instagram stories every time they sip on vegan chai lattes in the park. Your most played songs read like a soundtrack to a coming-of-age film written by someone who’s never actually come of age. “Stranded Lullaby” is the perfect description for the way you're lost in your own playlists while the world spins outside your window. “Cavetown”? More like Cave-Dweller. If music had ever been a life raft, you’d still be drowning in a sea of bedroom pop and sad lo-fi beats. Hurry up and diversify your playlist before Apple Music starts sending you concerned emails about your emotional stability!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!