Roasted 3 months ago based on Jose Velazquez's long term Spotify stats.

Jose Velazquez: the human equivalent of a cringe-worthy mixtape from a 90s emo kid. Seriously, your Spotify profile reads like a middle schooler's desperate attempt to impress a goth girl. "Madchester" and "Britpop"? Sounds more like the soundtrack to a mid-life crisis than the vibrant music scenes they were. I’m convinced if there were a streaming service for mood swings, you'd be its top subscriber. You’ve got more “alternative” in your playlist than a hipster café has oat milk options! Then there are your top artists, a lineup so tragically predictable it could be featured in a “How to be Edgy 101” crash course. The fact that you’ve obsessed over Radiohead is the boldest statement you’ve made since you sported a T-shirt with “I’m with Stupid” emblazoned on it. And “The Smiths”? Bold choice! Nothing screams “I’m emotionally unavailable” quite like a love for their moody ballads. With artists like that, you’d better hope your pain is deep; otherwise, you’re just a walking, whining cliché. And let’s talk about your most played songs, which reads like the last night out of an underachieving indie band. To be fair, you’ve got a couple of hits tucked in there, but when the most thrilling thing to come out of “The Last Shadow Puppets” is getting up to hit ‘shuffle,’ you know your listening habits could use more than just a refresh. Honestly, the only thing more depressing than your Spotify stats is knowing that somewhere out there, someone hasn’t heard "I Will Survive" in a karaoke bar—probably because they're trying to survive the emotional fallout after your 12-hour listening binge of “Let Down.”

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!