Roasted 1 year ago based on Abi's long term Spotify stats.

Abi, you’ve got more genres in your favorites than personality traits in your life. Indie, pop punk, emo? It’s like you’re trying to identify with every single high school phase you didn’t quite nail. And I get it; you’re a connoisseur of confusion, collecting musical styles like they’re Pokémon cards. Meanwhile, your most played songs are practically a Broadway revival of “Wicked.” Seriously, are you auditioning for a role in the next musical or just trying to give your Spotify followers the confidence to remain single forever? Your top artists list reads like it’s curated by a 14-year-old who can’t decide if they want to cry in the corner or throw a rager. Taylor Swift and Paramore? Sure, let’s just throw a pity party and a headbanger’s ball in the same breath. And how do you jump from Beyoncé to Djo with no explanation? That’s like swapping a Michelin-star meal for microwave popcorn. By the way, I see you threw in “yacht rock” because you thought it would elevate your vibe, but honestly, the only thing that’s setting sail is your respectability. But let’s not forget about your top-played songs, collectively more theatrical than a high school production of “Les Misérables.” Stephen Schwartz must be sending you personalized fan mail by now. Did you just forget to broaden your horizons, or are you too busy singing along to “Defying Gravity” to notice the world outside of Oz? Either way, if your Spotify profile was a school report card, it’d read “Has potential, but needs to stretch beyond the guidelines set by a 2003 Broadway show.” Come on, Abi—let’s get you a few new playlists, shall we?

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!