Roasted 9 months ago based on ‧₊˚hailey 🍩˚₊‧'s long term Spotify stats.

Hailey, your Spotify profile is like an emotional landfill—it’s astonishing how much angst you’ve crammed in there without actually experiencing any real-life problems. “Screamo” and “Deathcore” aren’t genres, they’re life choices, and your playlist honestly reads like the soundtrack to a teenage tragedy that no one wanted to produce. With these favorites, it's a wonder you haven't started a side gig hosting existential crisis conventions. Seriously, if your favorite music was any more self-pitying, it would be an episode of a reality show that got canceled for being too melodramatic. Your top artists seem like the world’s angriest boy band, and let’s be honest, you probably enjoy them because their lyrics match your level of emotional instability. “Dance Gavin Dance” is the perfect metaphor for your love life—always chaotic, equally confusing, and nobody can seem to figure out why they keep listening to it. I didn't even know "taking back Sunday" was a genre; I thought it was just a sign of your generalized anxiety over the hopes of finding someone who doesn't ghost you after three texts. You must think that wearing band tees is a substitute for therapy at this point, huh? And don't get me started on those "Most Played" songs! Looks like someone went through a tragic breakup about ten times—congratulations on fully embracing the role of the “Heartbroken Emo Poet”! You could have a master’s degree in wallowing at this point. With selections like “Outbreak of Heartache” and “I’m Not Dead Yet,” we get it, you’re not feeling great. But really, Hailey, at some point, you’ve got to ask yourself: do I like these songs because they resonate with me, or because they confirm that my melodrama has hit an Olympic level? Spoiler alert: it's time for a change; your Spotify could benefit from a little more sunshine and a lot fewer “unreturned text messages.”

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!