Roasted 2 years ago based on Bluemobius's long term Spotify stats.

Oh, Bluemobius, your Spotify profile reads like the angsty teenage diary of a kid who got dumped by their girlfriend for wearing too much black eyeliner. With a playlist that sounds like it was curated by a Viking who took a wrong turn on his way to Valhalla, it’s clear you take your metal as seriously as your social life – which is to say, not seriously at all. Seriously, there's more Swedish metal in your collection than you've had actual friends, and we both know that's saying something. Your obsession with bands with names like Moonlight Sorcery and Bolt Thrower sounds cooler than it is. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if you wore a T-shirt that says "I listen to death metal because my love life is dead." But it's okay, I get it; you want people to think you are fiercely edgy and cool, while in reality you’re just a couple of bad hair days away from starting a trust fund for fading metal bands. With the number of “melodic” sub-genres you’ve racked up, it’s no wonder your dating history reads like a heavy metal funeral dirge! Let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that you have not one, but several songs titled “To Withhold the Day” and “The Secret of Streaming Blood.” It’s almost poetic how you’ve managed to select tracks brimming with existential dread while simultaneously sealing your fate as the person who will forever haunt the obscure section of Spotify that no one dares venture into. At this point, your relationship status should probably just be listed as “Complicated: Caught between a need for affection and a 10-hour mix of blast beats.” Keep rocking that social isolation, my friend!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!