Roasted 2 months ago based on abm.'s long term Spotify stats.

Hey there, *abm*. Your Spotify profile reads like a hipster’s wet dream and a retirement home’s playlist had a baby. I mean, “Norwegian Pop”? Really? I didn't know it was possible to be both cool and eternally lonely at the same time. You’ve crafted a taste so niche that even your music librarian looks at you with pity when you walk into the store. Classic Rock and Christmas tracks? Sounds like you’re one holiday sweater away from becoming the person asking your friends if they’ve heard the latest from obscure Scandinavian artists. Newsflash: No one has. Your favorite artists read like a support group for people too cool for mainstream but too insecure to go full-on experimental. I can just picture you cranking up “Yacht Rock” while planning your next therapeutic existential crisis. Those top artists tell a story alright—a tale of someone who's seriously never had a party invite but makes up for it by blasting songs that sound like they were all recorded in an 80s dreamscape. Kudos to you for making 'soft' and 'indie' your own personal mission statement, though. You’re like the charmingly awkward protagonist in a coming-of-age film that no one wants to watch. As for your most played songs, it’s like you raided the “Sad Emo Teenager” section of the local library. “Cry” by HAIM? Wow—never seen someone wear their emotional baggage so earnestly. And what's with “Last Time We Never Meet Again”? Sounds like your social calendar. Hilariously, with all that angst, you seem like you'd self-comfort through a marathon of mildly melancholic pop, all while insisting you’re super well-adjusted. But don't worry; you’ll get your chance. Just keep that “indie bedroom” vibe, and I’m sure you’ll have a flourishing career in your own personal music bubble—just be ready for a lot of tears and questionable Spotify Discover playlists.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!